that feeling, that spark its gone.
he replied with exactly what i wanted to say.
i knew what love was. i still know what it is.
like i've said before i loved him and i always will.
maybe one day but this isnt working out anymore for either of us.
that one day just isnt today or anytime in the near future of this year.



ok so the first week of school wasnt so horrible.
i dredded going back but the first day was really exciting
i had a huge smile on the whole day
my classes arent that bad i have atleast one friend in them
my favorite class so far is english
theres 4 of us that sit in the corner but i dont like how he just kinda puts our name cards at random seats not near our friends....oh well


i'm freaking addicted to The Red Jumpsuit Apperatus.



November 3- Hellogoodbye//Cute Is What We Aim For
November 15- New Found Glory
November 18- Jack's Mannequin//Panic! At The Disco





i dont really care what anyone says about panic.
call them a sell out.....i still like them
call them posers......i really dont care
call them Fall Out Boy knock offs......ill tell you that you really havent listened to either band
everybody has their own opinion about a certain band
so what they kicked out brent
sure i like brent more than jon
but that decision was all theirs
its not like i could have said anything to change their minds
sorry for the rant im just sick of everybody telling me all that crap

started school on tuesday.
it took forever for the first day to end.
all my teachers are ok.
i got my schedule changed today.
instead of taing chorus i now have study semester1 and modern terrorism for semester2.
and switched into a diff history block
first day back......i liked all the hugs
especially the huge jumping caroline one. :D
i have alot of lunches with christine. so yay.
i wanna see what the rest of the week is going to be like.
hair appointment friday.
christine's dad's this weekend?
mideval faire?
im not sure.
need to make up my mind.
see if its ok.
all that junk.

i guess it rly is happening.
i just wish we could just drop the situation
and i could deal with it later.

i was in the car the other day sitting in the passenger's seat
my mom brought it up as casual conversation
i couldnt take it but thank god i had sunglasses on
i could feel the tears welling up in my eyes
chocking back tears and telling her that i rly didnt feel like talking about it

every time some one brings it up
i cant help but want to cry
i just have to tell myself to be strong
yeah thats not going to last forever

i just cant go thro the last 2 years of HS
by myself.
i just cant do it.
i want to go to prom with my bff [[not that way]]
i want to graduate together throw our caps in the air.
and then be able to say "yeah we did it."
but i know after graduation we are moving in together
thats going to be awesomly rad.



im just scared im going to become more depressed
when can me and him talk again?
i just need him
you are my security
my life
my love
my heart
my everything

god damn cell phone bills
grr i cant remember when he said he could
call me again
and of course the two times he has called me
i was in no service and my cell was in my room charging
GRRRRRRRRRR
i miss him so much.
hearing his voice was soothing
sure i was the quiet one but i dont think he minded
and im pretty sure if i talk to him now
ill just cry into his ear
im sure he doesnt feel like listening to that
the silences from me were prolly his fave thing
or the mhm's and what's
maybe this next time ill talk for real
sure he didnt mind but i did in the end
i felt horrible
oh well i shouldnt sulk about something
that happened in the past

ive had slow motion by third eye blind [[originally]] but
covered by Brendon Urie of P!atD stuck in my head since
the other day.
yeah thx to SheL's myspace.
ILY♥

i tried sleeping last night.
i really couldnt until latelatelate.
there was something on my mind.
well actualy a few things on my mind.
i couldnt seem to figure them out.
and crying you're self to sleep isnt too fun.
i thought those nights were gone forever.
but atleast this time it didnt have to do with the
same person as months earlier.
i guess i just have to wait and see the outcome.
i really wish he'd call me so i could talk this out
with him.
he's always the one to calm me down.
he talks the situation out with me and reassures me
that everything will be ok no matter what.
my phobia of my future has subsided and taken a rest.
now theyve gone onto thinking about whats this year
going to be like if that one person isnt here.
well i really wont know.
im hoping what was bothering me last night
isnt going to happen.
i can only hope and wish.
crossing fingers doesnt work for me.
oh well tears will be my best friend for right now.

i rly haven't been on here in a while.
everything is going great.
summer '06 is my favorite yet.
i rly rly rly wanna go to the Paramore show on August 11th at 6:30 pm at Axis.
i ahev to talk to Caroline.
so hit me up. [[ChrisChrisxCore-aim]]

hmm.
Florida was a great time w/ Christine.
just celebrated 6 months with Barry.
i couldn't be any happier.
well yeah. if he was here but it's all good.
so yeah nothing else is rly new with me.
i'm kinda plain jane boring.

myspace is being lame.
if u had a pre made layout it doesnt work any more.
my friend Jen made me a new one.
go check it out.
i should have new pix up soon w/ my hair cut that no one of my friends excpet for the ones that go to my school have seen.

remember those years where we had no idea what drugs were? or what alcohol does to a person?? or all those bad things that plague our lives now?? Or that time when we were in the toy store and we wanted that Barbie real bad but we couldn’t have not until our birthday or Christmas and we would throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the aisle? Or when the flying monkeys would scare us silly? Or the boys had cooties so we had to get our cootie shots?
What I would do just to have those days back.
The days where I didn’t worry about what a guy might think about me. Or if he liked me. Well the times have changed drastically.
I never knew there was heartbreak when I was little. I never thought I would cry let alone do anything else over a boy. I believed in those fairy tale princess stories from disney. The ones where the girl would always get the guy of her dreams and they would live happily ever after. I always wanted that.
Those movies never showed us that some boys break our hearts. And they never showed us our best friend could lie to our face. and they never showed us the kid we thought we knew all those years way back in elementary school sniffing some nose candy now did they?? It only showed the good stuff. They put their spin on reality and hid it from us all those years. Honestly I am not bitter about that. I just wish reality wasn’t so hard at times. You know? A warning or something would be nice. Instead I walk blindly each day wondering what will happen next. Hoping that the whole world doesn’t come crashing down at once on me. it has once or twice but that's what my friends are there for. to talk me through each step of the way. i owe them everything. i just wanna thank them for all that they have put up with me. you know who you are. love you all.

You took me home
I drank too much
Cause of you my liver turns to dust
Cold rust takes cold creeping cool pain
Do you understand what I need?
When u feel your soul drop to the floor
Like a whole like an open bleeding sore
Then you'll have bleed like ive bleed
Then youll have bleed this all left

Chorus:
Suck me down, its time rock and roll
Lets hit the bar, lets loose control
One false move you took me home
One false move your all alone

But it looks so good and it feels so nice
I've paid my price
I'll cut you out just to hear you scream,
Get away from me
And I can feel my heart beat racin'
As I realize what I must do
Get away from you

Shouldve turned around like you
Last time I got a taste of you
I shouldve turned around like you
And i say we're through
[x2]

{Guitar Solo}

You have haunt me like a plague
Weakness, we've worked at
But I degress
After all this...
You're just like all the rest

(Chorus)

OMFG I LOVE YOU CAROLINE!!!!!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PUTTING THIS LAYOUT UP FOR ME!!!
i owe you big timmmmme.



TBS/ A&A June 24th Tweeter Center parking Lot.
CAroline Me Christine.
NO MATTER WHAT WE ARE GOING!
i will kill some one to go.
and if you ask who youre gonna get the answer of who ever stands btwn me and that concert.

going to christine's dad's house this weekend. celebrating her lil bro's bday? haha. 10 yr olds.
hmm well i really wanna go to the TBS/A&A show at the tweeter center parking lot june 24 [[i think is the date]]. i would die to go to that show. caroline let me know whats gonna go on.
not friends with some people. ignoring others. becoming friends with an old pal who i stopped talking to in order to get a point across. its all good. no more drama for me. hopefully.
not too much is going on in my life right now. i thought it was just a down ward spiral for a while but it's starting to pick up the pieces which i could get used to.

dear her,
the best part of believe is the LIE. you can't fool me. i know what's going on and the fact that you tried to hide this all from me is stupid. and is making me mad. if you had just told me what was going on i would have fully understood. the whole hiding this so only you and that person know is stupid and i'm pretty sure you are aware of that. note to you-its kind of obvious due to the way you act around each other. so do not question whether some one is mad at you or not when its pretty clear for all to see that they are. no offence but i'm sick of bullshit. so if i act distant and what not you should know why.
if you know who i'm talking about please do not say it.

whoa. i'm seeing A7x in a week from tomorrow. i am going with Caroline, Colleen, and Will. I heard that deirdre was going....but i'm not sure, she prolly is. i am so stoked. i am going to see Matt, Syn, The Rev, Johnny, and ZackyV in the flesh. i'm so going crazy at this concert.
i'm gonna go see Staind in June. im not goingw ith friends. just my parents. fun? who knows. first concert with my parents. ill have fun no matter what.
hmm...everything is starting to feel okay again in my life. i have to admit.